Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
