Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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