I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
