Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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