real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
