So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
