Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
