Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
