Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
