The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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