I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
