Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize