1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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