I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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