you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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