I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
