Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
