I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
