You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
