i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
