Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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