Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
