dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
