he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
