I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
