The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
