I have demons in me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
