i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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