we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
