The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
