why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
