I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
