i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
