i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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