she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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