we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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