i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
