So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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