i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
