just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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