Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
