my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
