Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
