I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
