Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
