So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
