I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
