i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
