I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
