oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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