he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize