My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize