i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
worst night to have a conscience
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
