One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
