are you still at the devil's house?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
