I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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