Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
