I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
