Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize