My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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