Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
