Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
