I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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