anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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