I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
