I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Boobs speak an international language.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
