he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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