Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
