i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
